In most families, mom does. In a 2022 KFF survey, 56% of working mothers said they are the one who stays home when a child is too sick for school or daycare. Only 19% of working fathers said the same.
The gap costs mothers real money, it barely closes when both parents work full time, and even Sweden, where both parents get paid sick-child days, hasn’t fixed it.
Here is what the research shows, and how to split sick days before the next fever hits.
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Key Takeaways
- 56% of working moms say they’re the one who stays home with a sick child, vs 19% of working dads (KFF, 2022).
- Dads are more likely than moms to say sick days are “shared”: 33% vs 24%.
- 76% of low-income working moms lose pay when they stay home with a sick child, twice the rate of higher-income moms.
- Even when both parents work full time, only 6% of couples say dad handles sick days more (Pew).
- In Sweden, where both parents get paid sick-child days, fathers still take only 38% of them.
Who Stays Home With a Sick Kid?
The most recent national data comes from the 2022 KFF Women’s Health Survey, which asked employed parents who cares for their children when they’re sick and can’t go to school.
| Who usually stays home? | Working mothers said | Working fathers said |
|---|---|---|
| I do | 56% | 19% |
| We share it | 24% | 33% |
Look at the second row. Fathers were more likely than mothers to describe sick days as shared.
Other household surveys find the same pattern: the parent doing less often sees the split as more equal than the parent doing more. It’s the same perception gap behind most arguments about the mental load.
The 2020 edition of the same survey found an even wider gap: 61% of working mothers said they usually stay home with a sick child, compared with 9% of working fathers.
Working mothers are nearly three times as likely as working fathers to say they are the one who stays home.
KFF Women’s Health Survey (2022), employed parents
Does It Change When Both Parents Work Full Time?
A little, but not as much as you’d expect.
In a Pew Research Center survey of 1,807 parents, 55% of two-parent households said the mother does more when kids are sick. Just 4% said the father does more, and 41% said they share it equally.
| Household type (Pew) | Mom does more | Shared equally | Dad does more |
|---|---|---|---|
| All two-parent households | 55% | 41% | 4% |
| Both parents work full time | 47% | 47% | 6% |
So even when both parents have full-time jobs, nearly half of couples still default to mom. Sick days were one of the areas where the gap held most stubbornly, even in households that split other chores evenly.
That Pew data is from 2015. The newer KFF numbers suggest not much has changed since.
What Sick Days Cost Mothers
Staying home isn’t just a scheduling problem. For many families, it’s lost income.
In the 2022 KFF survey, 53% of mothers and 49% of fathers who stay home with a sick child said they aren’t paid for that time. The burden falls hardest on lower-income mothers.
| Mothers who lose pay when a child is sick | 2020 | 2022 |
|---|---|---|
| Lower-income mothers (below 200% of poverty level) | 75% | 76% |
| Higher-income mothers | 33% | 38% |
Part of the reason is access to leave. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 77% of private-industry workers had paid sick leave in 2022, but only 38% of the lowest-paid tenth of workers did, compared with 96% of the highest-paid tenth.
When the parent who usually stays home is also the one with less paid leave, every ear infection becomes a financial decision.
School holidays raise the same question, just with a calendar attached. Our free kids holiday planner shows which work days still need cover and splits them between parents.
Lower-income mothers are twice as likely to lose pay when they stay home with a sick child.
KFF Women’s Health Survey (2022)
How Often It Happens
More than new parents expect, especially in the first year of daycare.
The American Academy of Pediatrics’ parenting site notes that children in group child care may have as many as 8 to 12 more colds than a child cared for at home without siblings or other children, with the most illness in their first year of care. The number of respiratory illnesses usually starts to fall in the second year.
Not every cold means a day home. But fevers, stomach bugs and daycare exclusion rules add up fast, and if one parent absorbs all of them, it quietly shapes that parent’s career.
Even Sweden Hasn’t Closed the Gap
Sweden is often held up as the model. Parents there can take up to 120 paid days a year per child to care for a sick child, at about 80% of their pay, and either parent can use them.
Even so, in 2024 men took 38% of those days and women took 62%, according to Sweden’s Social Insurance Agency. Fathers’ share has declined for three years in a row.
The lesson isn’t that policy doesn’t matter. Paid leave clearly helps families. It’s that even when the money problem is solved, the default parent problem remains.
That default is usually set early. Research on dad solo parenting shows fathers who get real solo time with the kids in the first year stay more involved for years afterward.
Even with up to 120 paid days per child that either parent can take, mothers take most of them.
Försäkringskassan, Swedish Social Insurance Agency (2025)
Why It Defaults to Mom
Most couples don’t decide that mom handles sick days. It happens through a series of small, reasonable-sounding choices.
- The school calls her first. She’s often listed as the first emergency contact, so the call comes to her phone at 10 a.m.
- Her job seems more flexible. Sometimes it is. Often it’s just that she’s already been flexing, so it looks that way.
- The pay gap does the math. If one parent earns less, their missed day looks “cheaper,” which locks in the pattern.
- She knows the routine. The medicine doses, the pediatrician’s number, the comfort show. Knowledge makes her the obvious choice.
Each step makes the next one more likely. That’s how a sick day turns into another piece of being the default parent.
How to Split Sick Days Fairly
The best time to decide who stays home is before anyone has a fever. Pick a system in a calm moment, then follow it at 6 a.m.
| System | How it works | Best for |
|---|---|---|
| Strict rotation | You alternate: she takes this sick day, he takes the next one. | Parents with similar leave and flexibility |
| Split the day | One parent covers the morning, the other the afternoon. | Parents who can each spare half a day |
| Meeting rule plus rotation | Whoever has an unmovable commitment is excused; otherwise, it’s the other parent’s turn. | Jobs with some fixed meetings |
| Day one and day two | One parent always covers the first day, the other covers day two onward. | Longer illnesses like flu or stomach bugs |
A few rules make any system hold up:
- Put both parents on the school and daycare contact list, and make dad the first call for half the year.
- Both parents keep the medical basics. Doses, allergies and the pediatrician’s number in both phones.
- Line up backup before cold season. A grandparent, a neighbor, or a sitter who does sick care.
- Count the days. A quick tally over a season settles “I feel like I always do it” without an argument.
- Tell employers early. Both parents mentioning sick-day duty at work normalizes it for fathers too.
Counting is easier when sick days are treated like any other task with a clear owner. In RemindHer, every task is assigned to a specific person, so “stay home with Maya today” goes to the parent whose turn it is, and the tally stays honest.
To bring it up without a fight, try it at a weekly family meeting, or see how to talk to your husband about chores.
How We Built This Research Roundup
We used the most recent national surveys that asked parents directly who cares for sick children, and checked each number against the original report.
Limitations are worth stating: these surveys ask parents to self-report, most focus on heterosexual two-parent households, and the Pew data is from 2015.
Cite this page:
RemindHer (2026). Who Stays Home When a Kid Is Sick? The Data. https://remindher.app/who-stays-home-with-sick-kid/
FAQ
Who usually stays home when a child is sick?
Usually the mother. In a 2022 KFF survey, 56% of working mothers said they stay home with a sick child, compared with 19% of working fathers.
Do fathers take more sick days when both parents work full time?
Slightly more, but mothers still lead. In Pew’s survey of dual full-time couples, 47% said the mother does more, 47% said it’s shared, and only 6% said the father does more.
Do parents lose pay when they stay home with a sick child?
Often. About half of working parents are unpaid for that time, and 76% of lower-income mothers lose pay, compared with 38% of higher-income mothers.
How many sick days should parents expect in the first year of daycare?
A lot. Children in group child care can have as many as 8 to 12 more colds than children cared for at home, with the most illness in the first year, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.
How should couples decide who stays home with a sick kid?
Decide on a system before illness hits, such as strict rotation, split days, or one parent covering day one and the other day two. Put both parents on the school contact list and keep a simple tally.
The Bottom Line
When a kid is sick, it’s still mostly mom who stays home, and it often costs her pay she can’t afford to lose.
The fix isn’t a better excuse at work. It’s a plan the two of you agree on before the next fever: a rotation, both names on the contact list, and a count that keeps it fair.
Sources
- KFF (2022). Workplace Benefits and Family Health Care Responsibilities: Key Findings from the 2022 KFF Women’s Health Survey. 5,145 women and 1,225 men ages 18 to 64. Link
- KFF (2020 survey). Difficult Tradeoffs: Key Findings from the 2020 KFF Women’s Health Survey. 3,661 women and 1,144 men ages 18 to 64. Link
- Pew Research Center (2015). Raising Kids and Running a Household: How Working Parents Share the Load. 1,807 parents. Link
- U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (2023). Higher-paid workers more likely than lower-paid workers to have paid leave benefits in 2022. Link
- HealthyChildren.org, American Academy of Pediatrics. When to Keep Your Child Home From Child Care. Link
- Försäkringskassan, Swedish Social Insurance Agency (2025). Vab usage in 2024. Link
